who is to blame?

every day; every moment; every space of free time that graces my presence, i think. whether i invite these thoughts or not, they appear. some days i want to push them aside permanently, or wait to address them until a later date. tonight i'm deciding to face them, with every bit of me that i have. until the bottle shatters and these thoughts are no longer contained, i continue to break down until there is close to nothing left.

the main question that stares me down is, "what am i to others?" for some, it's a simple reply; a clear-cut answer that needs no research. however, for others, the answer is much more complex. most days i feel like stranger; a mere person to pass by; someone you give an awkward smile to, just to pretend that my being is appreciated. why is it that the people i've been somewhat close to over the years, have gradually diminished? maybe i'm to blame; maybe i've caused it; maybe i should have tried harder; maybe; maybe; maybe. though, what if all the fingers shouldn't be pointing toward me?

what plans that were in place, did you follow through on? how many of those plans did you actually instigate? when did i become a person who you turned to last? but why, most of all; why?

my words are not meant to harm, they're not meant to blame; their only purpose is to leave you thinking. thinking about yourself, and others, maybe even me. i don't ask that you try to reconcile with me, and attempt to mend what has been broken. though, look at your relationships with others. what do they mean to you? how could they be better? do you tell them what they are to you? maybe you should remind them.

a lack of acknowledgement, is a lack of heart. don't leave people wondering "who am i to you?".